Perspective: It's a Gift, Take It with You

With all the lists of tasks that the bride is responsible for, it is easy to see how one could become overwhelmed. But I would like to see one article address the topic of perspective with something more than just a off-the-cuff remark or pithy closing quotation. Even the main character in the "Sex and the City" movie admitted to getting caught up in the "me" moment of all the attention she was receiving.



Do I want my centerpieces to be enchanting? Yes. Do I want to make sure everyone receives an elegant invitation? Yes. (Would I love to be married in that Vivienne Westwood gown? Heck Ya.) Do I want to lose my sanity or any of my friends in the process? No!


How does one keep perspective in the midst of a task and taffeta maelstrom? Well, if you're paying attention, life will provide some reminders for you. From the loss of a loved one, to the unexpected unemployment line, earth-shaking news can reel you back down to planet earth. What I would love to do, is not leave earth in the first place. I like to remain grounded while letting my imagination soar.

I see these brides on the reality shows losing their cool and blowing up at their family members. Yes, their mothers, brothers, in-laws, etc. can pull some pretty low punches or scatterbrained moves, but what makes the difference between the bride who laughs vs. the bride who launches? Perspective. It's a gift. Take it with you and you'll walk away from "your day" just as married as the girl who lost her temper, but with a much better reputation.

Nobody wants to be "that girl" who has too much to drink and embarrasses herself in front of her friends. Bridal temper tantrums are no different. Even if you do fly off the handle, there's no rule that says you can't apologize. And, for no reason at all, why not email each person involved and just thank them for their help with your wedding, even if your paying them. Mainly, I'm speaking to myself. If anyone else happens to read this and agree, fantastic.

Picking Wedding Music You Can Dance To

When picking out songs for our wedding, we started with what would be Gary and I's first dance. At first, we liked OAR's "Love & Memories," but its quick switch to an upbeat pace, might have made our dance fodder for YouTube fame. Then I learned the meaning of the song was about a girl who wanted nothing to do with him (not exactly our story).

Like an acorn falling out of the sky, it hit me that "You & Me" by Lifehouse, would be a good song for us. It's slow enough for a non-dancer like Gary to do the high-school sway (Seen Hitched? "You stay right here, you do not get creative with this.") And it's mushy enough to be considered romantic. Apparently I struggle with choosing romantic songs, so says my sister. When putting together the play list for our wedding CD, I played a draft version to give her a sneak preview. As I stood jamming out to Gwen Stefani and Social Distortion, my sister stared at me pale-faced as though I'd just started break dancing in the middle of CVS. "What?" I asked. "Where are all the sweet songs?" asks the girl who plays the "Juno" soundtrack repeatedly. I promised I would remake the collection, throwing in Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes," just to make her happy.






I heard Gary's mom has selected the song they will dance to but won't tell him what it is -- awesome. I hope it's something fun and cheesy like "Do the Hustle." Poor Gary would have no idea what to do.

Not that my dad is Fred Astaire or anything. We've never danced together. Other than seeing him joke around once with my mom, I've never seen him bust a move. In light of the wedding, however, he has agreed to take Ballroom Dancing lessons -- a true breakthrough, like Karl Rove rapping only without the side effects like nausea and shortness of breath.

My mom, all excited, called me several weeks ago to tell me that Steven Curtis Chapman (a Christian singer), had a song that would be perfect for me and my dad to dance to. That song was "Cinderella," a song Mr. Chapman wrote about his adopted daughter, who turned 5 about two weeks ago. Sadly, Maria Sue was killed in an accident on May 21st.


My prayers and condolences to the Chapman family. (sorry to end this on such a somber note, but I felt I wanted to address this tragedy.)

How To Help Your Groom with the Rehearsal Dinner

I am a lucky bride. My groom has been so helpful with so much of this planning. That's why I feel badly for the subterfuge surrounding the rehearsal dinner planning. Similar to the honeymoon, the tradition puts planning the rehearsal dinner on the groom's lap. Where it will sit like a warm kitten, purring and comfortable until I slam the door shut and the cat hits the ceiling, claws extracted.

Since so many of our rehearsal dinner guests are coming in from out of town (as far away as London), we need to get this done soon. Gary really wanted to head this up so I let him have it (no pun intended).

I've noticed a scary thing happen. I've become passive-aggressive. A trait I normally do not carry. A famous actor once said how disgruntled movie directors are -- but he didn't know if the process did that to them or if they started out that way. I'm wondering if the same can be said for Bridezillas. You take a sane, mild mannered woman, give her a full-time job, a mortgage, a few extracurricular activities, and a wedding to plan and BOOM! Insta-psycho. ("Where did my fun-loving girlfriend go?" says the groom.)



A couple months ago we were at the Georgetown waterfront celebrating a friend's birthday. She absolutely loves this place called Agraria, so much so that she gave us a personal tour of the place like she built it herself. She's charming. The dimly lit, modernly furnished rooms evoke the sense of being in someone's dining room -- well, someone with several million to spend on fine wood furnishings and incandescent lighting. I pulled Gary through the areas where I thought we could seat the entire bridal party, plus family. He agreed. I picked up a business card from the hostess stand and slipped it into his pants pocket. I'm so bad.



A month later, I received a brochure in the mail from one of the reception locations we looked into, but decided against: Capital Yacht Charters. Another unique idea for the dinner I wasn't responsible for planning! I "accidentally" left the brochure in his pile of mail on the foyer table. He still hasn't mentioned it. Note to self: do not mail Gary anything urgent.



Last weekend, we attended my friend's rehearsal dinner at Indique Heights in Chevy Chase (I wasn't in the wedding; I was the wedding photographer, which is why I was invited). They had a nice little room to seat 30-35 of us comfortably with an exotic little fountain in the middle of the room. "Hey, this would be a great place for our rehearsal dinner," he said as I fell out of my chair. Finally! I couldn't help expressing how it was about time he got around to it. He even emailed his dad to ask if Indian food would be okay with his family. I was so elated that I failed to follow up. I didn't have to.

"Did you ask my mom to bug me about the rehearsal dinner?" he asked me yesterday. "No," I said and then had to wrack my brain for validation of my answer. Apparently she had called him, bugging him to move forward with it already. Thus far I have not pulled the "Trish, can I ask you a favor" card. But now that I know it exists, I will keep it in my pocket for future reference.

(As of this posting, he has yet to make reservations anywhere.) Maybe if I post an entire blog about it....he, he, he.

How Finding The Right Dress Is Like Finding The Right Man

I have to start of by saying that this story does have a happy ending. My search for a wedding dress took several years off my life. In summary, I went searching for something simple in a season of complicated, thus coming home, empty handed and frustrated.

I would like to direct this blog to the wedding dress industry: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I understand the reasons for having sample sizes only in all local stores. If a girl who is a size 12 wants to try on dress A and the store only has it in a size 8, she won't be able to get into it to get an idea of what it may look like. Well, the sad truth is, if I'm a size 2 and dress A at the store is only in a size 8 or 10 -- guess what, I still have no idea what this clipped up, rouched, folding wrap of white cloth may look like.

Additionally, if I am getting married in six or seven months and would like to try on a dress that is not in the store, but can be sent by the manufacturer, why do I have to wait four months to try it on? Is there really only one version of this dress in the United States that is being shipped around like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?

It is very disappointing to fall in love with a dress in a magazine only to find out that you have to drive for 14 hours to try it on -- in a version twice your size. I would almost advise my fellow brides to only look at magazine pages to get an IDEA of what you like. Then take that page into a local store and ask "Do you have anything similar to this?" before getting your heart set on one thing.


I admit my drama was mostly my fault. I didn't really know exactly what I wanted when I started looking in February. My pregnant sister and one of my bridesmaids went with me to David's Bridal. I started out wanting something with color, but those types only came in A-line, which my sister and friend quickly ruled out for me (along with 3 women I didn't know who were just watching from the sidelines). They suggested staying away from the ball gowns because I had a nice body and should not hide it under all that material. Alrighty.

My best friend, Vanessa, has been my most reliable fashion consultant for years. The girl's got style. So when she called me absolutely thrilled that she had found the perfect dress for me, I was elated.


This stunning Piccione dress is from Alfred Angelo. Vanessa lives in Orlando and found it at the new store in Altamonte Springs. I called and asked if there was a store near DC that carried that line. Nope. Nearest Alfred Angelo stores is in Delaware -- and that location does not carry the Piccione line. Sweet. My mother-in-law to be called the store in Pennsylvania where she lives. They had it in a size 10 -- that would be a four-hour drive for me. No thanks. Grrr.

I went to seven or eight other bridal stores in the DC Metro area. I tried on about 5 or 6 in each location, from the very high end to the bargain stores. Nothing screamed "This is the one," as I had heard so many other brides tell of. I envied them for that moment they stepped in front of the mirror and fell head over heels. Kinda like the girls in college who had year-long relationships with great, good looking guys who were in love with them. They looked so happy, so comfortable with each other. So not fair.

Moving right along, I went through a series of dresses that had a similar shape to the one Vanessa loved. Each one had something majorly wrong with it when I put it on.


This looks great from the side if I'm leaning against a ledge. But standing straight forward looking into a mirror, I looked like I was ready to offer the next couple who walked in the door Spanish Samba lessons. Olay!










This one had all the right elements going for it, AND it fit perfectly in the store. As I caught a glance at myself in the three-way mirror it gave me flashbacks to senior prom. Suddenly, all the lights in the store went out and I was dancing by myself to Eric Clapton's "You Look Wonderful Tonight," alone...again.






I cannot tell you how close I came to buying this dress. The women at the Demetrios Bridal store inside the Tyson's Macy's were so incredibly lovely, I wanted to invite them all to my wedding. They offered clear, honest feedback on each dress I tried on. I must have tried on every dress in this store. They had the best collection around and were open later during the week, which was great because dress shopping on Saturdays is like being stuck on a Jack Gyllenhaal fan bus. Not my idea of a good time. One of my problems with this dress is that the store only had it in ivory, which I didn't want. It was very hard to "imagine" it in white. And I have a pretty stellar imagination. The second thing was the asymmetrical line on the skirt. I was pretty sure I was looking for something symmetrical. I cannot say why.

One, two, skip a few, 99, 100. Yep, I tried on about 100 dresses. Granted, I tried on most of them by myself. Like I said, Vanessa is in Orlando and the stores don't let you take pictures so your personal fashion consultant can vote on them. I understand they do it to protect the designers, but I wonder if they realize they are losing sales. My sister, by this time, was too near baby-delivery time to be too far from a hospital. And my friend Amy is a lawyer and I could only take up so much of her time. (For the record, she rearranged her schedule several times for me anyway.)

Those friendly little email reminders kept prodding me to order my bridal gown because I was only six months away from my wedding date. Every store I visited warned not to order your dress less than six months from the date. Again, why-oh-why does it require so much time? I know they said it would likely arrive in four months, not six, but that we had to allow time for alterations. Bills get through Congress faster than a white dress can show up at my doorstep. Is it just me or is something very wrong with that?

Finally, I did what I should have done all along. I grabbed my friend Kate (the graphic designer) and drove about an hour outside of town to Annapolis. I found a store online that offered the Jasmine collection. I called first to make sure they had dress T147. They did. I had tried dress F106 on in a store in Vienna and thought the front of it had potential but I hated the back. (note: this dress comes in all white, without the black part on top.)



When I tried on dress T147, I loved the back, but hated the front. The nice women at Elena's Bridal saw that I was near an emotional collapse. They got on the phone with the dress manufacturer and asked if the front of one dress could be paired with the back of another one. Of course, they said. And that's the story of how Jasmine Bridal saved the day. The moral of the story is, if you date around and can't find the right guy -- make one up.

**Since I'm still not 100% happy with the front of dress F106, the seamstress at Elena's is going to order more material and reshape the top to be more of a sweetheart neckline -- the squareness of my broad swimmer's shoulders do not work with the straight line as the neckline shows in the picture. Those women are awesome and I am very excited to work with them when the dress arrives in August.

***One month after I put a deposit down on my dress, the fall line premiered with tons of dresses without the embroidery and rouching I disliked from Spring 2007/2008 lines. Dope!

Wedding Planning 101: Trial and Error

Have you ever heard the phrase, "a funny thing happened on the way to the store?" It's an old school way to start a lie about how you got distracted and/or lost the money you were supposed to use to buy milk, etc.

Well, a funny thing happened en route to planning my wedding. When I attended a few of those overwhelming bridal showcases earlier this year, I had planned on using my friend (who taught me wedding photography, www.fortinphotography.com) to take my pictures, my friend (who married my sister's best friend) to be my DJ, and my other friend (Kimberly, the most multi-talented female I've ever met) to help with detail coordination. All of them have fallen through -- the last one being solely my fault. So, at six months to wedding date, I had to start all over again. And, of course, I didn't keep/collect any of the vendor information from those showcases because I didn't need them....ooops.

Snap My Picture
Staving off a mental breakdown, I quickly turned to major bridal web sites with a list of "vendors in your area." My penchant for talent lead me to contact the top 10 to 15 photographers in town, minus the ones out of my price range. They were all booked. I Googled wedding photography in D.C. and clicked my way through the ones with images not in line with my style. Finally I landed on HyonSmithphotography.com -- very nice work. I love the combination of documentary style shots with candid moments. But this guy has a real knack for making a bride look like she's a model in a magazine -- now who doesn't want that? We negotiated a deal over coffee and small talk about surfing and photojournalism. Hyon is not only talented, he's super cool to hang with. (Footnote here that he is not personally scheduled to shoot my wedding; his 2nd shooter is, but the style/caliber is the same).



Let Them Eat...
My parents, who live in Orlando, were in town vising my sister and her family. Gary and I joined them one evening for dinner and my dad had picked up these gi-normous cupcakes. "Where did you get these?" I asked my dad, more out of curiosity of how a non-local came across such a splendid local bakery (I could see that the box was not your typical Safeway fare). "Heidelberg Pastry Shoppe," he said. Two weeks later, Gary and I were having drinks with some friends at our favorite happy hour spot (Mio on Vermont). When the subject of a wedding cake came up, they suggested we use Heidelberg. Gary turned to me and said flatly (which means I'm about to be hit with sarcasm), "think we should wait for a third sign, just to be sure?" After our cake tasting, we fell in love with Heidelberg. I think I might "lose" my notes on which flavors we want just so I can go back and do another sampling. So crazy yummy. Chocolate + Grand Marnier + Marzipan = Heaven.

Dance, Dance
The inside scoop from my friend who is a DJ but is already booked on our wedding date is this: don't pay too much and don't pay too little. Somewhere in the range of $600 to $900 is a healthy starting point when seeking a music master. Since I want a ton of 80's music at my reception, I wanted to find someone old enough to remember what was popular then -- not just what has been reborn now. I looked for pictures of the DJs because I'm shallow like that and would like someone who meets appearances. DZ Entertainment gave me a great deal on an experienced DJ and they were polite about follow up phone calls without falling into the stalker category.

Did Basket Mean Call Him or Don't Call Him?
There's a skill to vendors knowing how often to follow up with you versus leaving you out in the cold. (If you didn't catch the movie line reference to Singles, you probably caught its meaning anyway.) If any vendors are reading this, think of it like dating someone new: you don't want to seem desperate, but you don't want to come off like a player either.


My Poor Friend Kimberly, Alas...
Several months ago I had my sights set on holding the reception at an art gallery. First, I looked at the Katzen Arts Center on American University's campus. Gary didn't like it. I loved it. Didn't matter in the end because they won't let you reserve the place for October until May something due to the school getting first preference. I sought Kimberly's wisdom on the matter since this is what she does. Her patience is astounding. I moved forward with the Torpedo Factory -- a blank slate and a good cause, supporting local artists. Awesome. (Little did Rebecca know that her whole family hated the idea and so did her fiance.) My parents paid the $1,500 deposit and I scheduled a meeting with Kimberly on site to brainstorm decorating ideas. Screaming kids, spilled milk, and pouring down rain -- not exactly how I wanted this meeting to go. My mom wanted to help my bedridden pregnant sister and get her two kids out of the house, plus see this reception locale so she could help with the decor. I should have said no to my mom about bringing the kids, but again, Kimberly was ridiculously patient. I, however, was not. I left the meeting with fleeting thoughts of elopement.

Based on what Kimberly and I discussed, Gary and I wrote up some estimates. We were way, way over our budget. I'm not sure how we got to this point, but if I wanted to feed my guests anything other than Powerbars and Capri Sun, we were going to have to reassess. I'm skipping over many details, tearful conversations, and a few shouting matches to bring you swiftly to the conclusion that we canceled with the Torpedo Factory and went with the Hilton in Old Town, Alexandria. (As you can see in the pictures, they have a lovely foyer and ballroom.) I lost our deposit (unless someone else books Oct. 18th, any takers? please?), but even still, we are coming out thousands of dollars ahead of where we were before. More importantly, I was able to salvage my friendship with Kimberly. (Thank you for still speaking to me.)

We still need to book the rehearsal dinner (why can I never spell rehearsal correctly??), but that's Gary gig. I'm leaving it in his capable hands. Sometimes, the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of our 10-day honeymoon in St. Lucia. I downloaded the screen saver from the Ti Kaye Village Resort (www.tikaye.com) where we are staying the first three nights -- 156 days to go!

Wedding Check List: Thank You Email Reminders

If it weren't for regularly scheduled emails from reminding me which items I'm supposed to be taking care of, I would wake up one morning in October in sheer panic.

Wedding Web sites have a clear list of "to do" items and allow you to add your own customized tasks, which is great. I'm trained to operate based on deadlines, so no deadline, no task completion. And yes, I often wait until the night before.

This weekend my wedding will be 5 months away (or 157 days to go, thank you).

Taking stock I have completed 50 to dos and have 184 remaining. (flashbacks to writing a thesis anyone??)

• Engagement Ring Insured - check
• Pick a gown - check (this BTW, is worth its own blog entry)
• Create Wedding Guest List - check
• Choose bridal party - check
• Book church and reception sites - check
• Begin pre-marital counseling - check
• Hire photographer and DJ - check (the DJ, is through DZ Entertainment and while I have not met with them in person, they were very professional via phone and email, which is all i have time for)
  
• Book honeymoon - check
• Register - (this requires another blog)

In a sweet, subtle way, these reminders provide hot pink exclamation points next to my overdue items. "Choose Your Florist," it says. "Order Your Invitations." Gosh - if only it were that simple.

More than two months ago I made an appointment with a florist, we'll call them Florist A, to get a proposal. When we arrived, the door was locked and we were made to wait more than half an hour while an earlier appointment ran late (I was warned this might happen). The woman was super nice and very personable. She seemed open to sticking within my budget since I wasn't super picky about what type of flowers and arrangements I wanted. Easter came and went and I still had not received a proposal, though they did call and say they were delayed and she was sick, etc, and were very nice about it. Knowing I was going to need another proposal to do a cost comparison, I made an appointment with Florist B.

Florist B was very nice as well. They saw me right away and seemed to be on the same page as far as the "look" I was thinking about. I also appreciated how candid they were about pricing -- letting me know what I could do myself for the centerpieces and save myself some dough. By this time, I had done some research on flowers and found a "unique" bouquet of white orchids. I loved it and had never seen anything like it. Florist B liked it as well and suggest a way to tie it back in with my dress. They wrote up a proposal on the spot that beat out the proposal I received around this same time from Florist A.

Now, in all fairness, I thought I should go back to Florist A with the same bridal bouquet picture to get a fairer estimate for comparison. A side by side look at the two proposals are within $100 of each other. Should I:
A. Pick a florist based on gut feeling
B. Avoid Florist A because of how long it takes them to respond and how many excuses they
seem to have?
C. Pick Florist A because they keep in constant communication and are a little more personable?
D. There's not enough info here to get help with my decision

In the meantime, "Order Your Invitations." Well, if I were not designing them myself, with the help of a talented friend, yes, I would order them. But why take the simple route when you can make things way more complicated than they really should be?

Forgive me, I've gotten ahead of myself. Backing up to sources of inspiration for the theme/look of the wedding...Gary and I love to picnic in Rock Creek Park, especially in fall/spring, which are completely new experiences for me. (I honestly don't ever remember seeing tulips like the ones I've seen around here --they almost look like something edible from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). Rock Creek is great because in a few short moments, you can bury yourself in non-city landscaping -- a healthy exercise for the imagination. All the laws of time, task and toil seem to dissolve with each crunch of a leaf underfoot.

And that's when it hit me. I would like my reception to feel like a Robert Frost poem, except without the miles to go before I sleep. My wedding colors are chocolate brown and slate blue, although electric blue looks better it just reminds me of Debbie Gibson. I found an inspiring web site (www.nettletonhollow.com) that has the branches I'll need for my tall centerpieces. And I found some LED lights at Save-on-Crafts.com (the ones with the imitation looking flame are less cheesy than the submergable white ones). My bridesmaids were told to pick out a chocolate brown, floor length gown of their own choosing. Each of the 5 girls has a beautiful figure, but totally different style. I felt better knowing that they were going to feel great in whatever they wore more so than shoehorning them into what I wanted.

Now things are starting to get exciting. I scoured the Internet for invitation ideas. Having worked with Marc Freidland, who designed John Travolta's birthday invites and Oprah's Black and White party, (www.creativeintelligence.com) in L.A., my standards are pretty high, but my budget is low. Gucci taste on a Gap budget and all. I found an envelope that I thought Marc might have approved of and got to work. I ordered samples of invitations because not all web sites disclose the weight of the paper stock they show in the pictures. There is a huge difference between 70 lbs and 110 lbs when it comes to paper. Less is sometimes better; it just depends on what you're trying to do.

What I'm trying to do is buy these brown envelopes as is, then have my friend design the 6 x 6 invite that will lay inside, then have someone print that and match the RSVP card, Directions card, Reception card that go inside the little pocketflap. I went to all the web sites advertising in all the bridal magazines and not one of them was able to print our invite and match it with the other cards. I didn't need the other cards designed, I would buy whatever they had in stock that matched, but this was not to be. (Footnote here about printing these invites at Kinko's -- that's how we did our 5 x7 Save the Date cards, which was fine because it didn't matter how crookedly the sides were cut.)

A saving grace: I came across this company in Chicago that spoke my language (www.styleonabudget.com). They are going to give me a quote on printing our design and finding pocket cards to match. Yay! If there is a company in D.C. that would do the same thing, I would like to know. Now, all I have to decide is between using a sepia toned image of Gary and me or going with something simple that incorporates the blue, brown and white wedding colors. Thoughts? Hint: Gary and I are using a sepia photo of us on the cover of the music CD we put together for our guests. Hmm. To match or not to match....

Regardless, I need to order the envelopes soon. My mom has offered to address the envelopes in her beautiful calligraphy work. Since she's traveling a ton over the next month she needed to start on them like yesterday. Yes, mom, I know, one hot pink exclamation point coming your way!

Wedding Details: How A Monster Was Created

I am not the girl who has dreamed about her wedding ceremony since she was 12. I would prefer to wear whatever I feel like in the morning and not lay out my outfit the night before. I don't even own an iron, much less an ironing board. (Isn't that what a de-wrinkle cycle is for?) So when it came to ironing out the details of my wedding, I was less than enthused.

I think Mariah Carey had the right idea -- and you'll never hear me say that again. Beach, white flowy dress, orchids, close friends, champagne, done. Where I'm from, there are two seasons: hurricane season and not hurricane season. So in January 2008, the day after the proposal, a late summer wedding sounded perfect. And it may have been....in 2009.

Quickly letting go of my easy/breezy beautiful summer wedding, this fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants girl found where to draw the line between East Coasters and West Coasters. Planning in advance. WAY in advance. As I called around to book a reception venue, I was literally laughed at when I gave them a late summer 2008 wedding date. Apparently, couples here live for their jobs -- to the point where they get married based on when it's mutually convenient around elections, security screenings and fiscal quarters. Fine.

After re-doing my vision of my wedding day, Gary and I settled on October 25th. Everyone in Florida thinks that's a long time. Everyone here thinks it's rushing it. To each his own. I am now a fall bride. No biggie. I can fake-tan with the best of them.

Every article about wedding planning starts with mentioning a budget. Having a wedding budget is kind of like having a "type" of guy you like to date. You're more than welcome to start there, but you're more likely to end up with something completely different. With some help from both our parents, we're going to attempt to walk the tightrope of a D.C. wedding with...drumroll please...US$20,000 for about 100 guests. I now feel like the parable of the talents. If I don't invest wisely, I may not go to heaven.

Luckily, we found a very nice hotel in Old Town with a minimum price tag of $13,000 (always ask for a minimum price since their pretty brochures of $95/head does not disclose this information). What was just as important as the clean, spacious facility was the fact that the coordinator at the hotel was one of the most accommodating people I'd ever met. From here I used two facts about my new non-summer wedding reality: October is fall and the ballroom at this Hilton has brown, gold, hunter green and beige in the carpet, decor and entry way. It also has intriguing gold petal lighting on the ceiling and sconces. Working with and not against my environment will serve me well in my planning.

As one of my bridesmaids asked, drawing on her experience as a psychologist, "what do you want people to remember about your wedding?" Aka - what impression do you want to make on Gary's family and friends? (My family and friends already know me well enough that something too formal would not be my style.) "I want my wedding to be elegant, but not stuffy," I told her. "I want people to feel special for being a part of it, but I want to keep things simple." And of course, she wouldn't let me get away with anything less than "unique." It's a great word that my friends and family have come to use when referencing me in place of the word "strange."

Armed with my budget, my date, my color palette and my adjectives, I began to plan the rest of the details. The most important thing at this stage is to be open to inspiration because it can come from anything anywhere.

the Engagement story

The mall is always packed. And by "mall" I refer to the large rectangular span of lawn between the Capitol Building (often confused by tourists for the White House) and the Washington Monument. On the night of January 26, 2008, however, we were completely alone under a clear sky between the two icons of freedom – not exactly my idea of the most romantic setting.

But this engagement story is more about him than her. The mall is my fiancé’s favorite location in all of D.C. I think it's part of why he wanted to be a lawyer here – to be a part of something bigger than himself and to be reminded of his place in the world by running around such giant architectural reminders three days a week.

I am not a lawyer. Or a runner for that matter. I came to D.C. in 2006 to be near my sister and her kids. I'm a creative surfer girl from Florida/California who finds herself to be a fish out of water in this city. My sister's friends kindly took me in as their friend, and I have made a few of my own. I truly miss the sunny weather, but am determined to make it as a writer/photographer regardless of where I am based -- as long as I am surrounded by a group of people I love.

This group of people now includes a young, sophisticated and witty athlete whom I met through mutual friends 15 months ago at a historic landmark known as Brass Monkey. I remember thinking after my first date with Gary that we were not compatible because he had an Economics degree from Johns Hopkins and I virtually finger painted painted my way through school in San Diego.

As we crossed the middle of the lawn, having left the Sculpture Garden where we had been ice skating and heading to where he parked the car, he stopped me to ask how I would photograph the Washington Monument at that moment. Strange, I thought. I wonder if he's trying to find out if I've used the tripod he bought me for Christmas.

As I humored him with a reply, I turned back around to find a large turquoise box in his hand and a large smile on his face. "Yes!" I exclaimed, so excited that he had successfully chosen the right platinum tension setting for the diamond I unwittingly selected over a month prior. "Wait! I have to ask you the question," he laughed. I told him to ask me in the car because I was freezing.

He proceeded to tell me that the box barely fit in his pocket and that's why he had not held my hand while we were ice skating. The last thing he wanted was to see it fly out of his pocket and slide across the rink. As he went to remove the box when we were standing on the mall, he ripped a hole in his jacket pocket. Now, he says, every time he loses his car keys in his jacket lining, he remembers the day he proposed to me.