Eating Crow in Hindsight

The good news is that the wedding worked, and we are now married. The bad news is, I could have handled a few things better than I did. Granted, I was really stressed, as every bride is. And I think my expectations for my wedding dress were a little too high. Thankfully I had read about other brides' regrets on their wedding day, so I am happy to say that I have none.

I slowed down the important moments by taking a deep breath and looking to my right and to my left while I was at the alter. I saw the tiny water droplets on my bouquet like a living still life clutched in my hands. I saw the slight shimmer of my maid of honor's tanning lotion glistening on her forearms. I saw the wrinkle in my groom's forehead when he looked up at the pastor. I heard myself say every vow and I even remember looking down at the tile in the church foyer as my father walked me up to the aisle. "You see this tile every Sunday," I told myself. "Don't be nervous."

Now, don't get me wrong. The day was not without surprises. When we were at the hair salon that morning, the entire building lost power after my bridesmaids had finished their hair appointments and I was just sitting down for mine. Nobody in the salon could tell which one of us was the bride because we were all so calm and enjoying ourselves. The mimosas helped. :) Then the bridesmaid's boyfriend who was supposed to drive us all to the church got his car stuck in the garage. Those automatic arms that raise and lower to let your car into/out of garages? Yes, well, his would not raise to let him drive his car out. What would Jason Statham do? He literally got a wrench and dismantled the arm!! Talk about not letting anything stand in his way!

I even got to eat once I got to the reception. The cheeses, the crab cakes, the mushroom beggar's purse -- so yummy. While I didn't get to chat with people as much as I would have liked to, I got to dance! Which was so important to me. The picture of my groom linked shoulder to shoulder with his buddies singing to Bon Jovi, well, that's worth a thousand words. To my surprise my mother even stayed until we closed the place down.

Now all that's left to do is send thank you notes (I'm sending them to my vendors as well), deposit checks, and donate my dress to cancer research. Not only am I still beeming from this wonderful life event, but one of his groomsmen and one of my bridesmaids have become engaged since our wedding a few weeks ago. Hopefully we will continue to be an inspiration to others as long as we live!

Most Expensive Mistake I've Ever Made

I wish I had good news to report. After I left my first dress fitting last night, I cried. And not out of sheer joy. I hate my wedding dress.


It's not the store's fault. They delivered exactly what I ordered (see previous post about combination of 2 dresses). I should not have ordered it. But it's too late. Bought and paid for, the seamstress worked with me for an hour, tucking, pinning and pulling to try and make the best of a bad decision. She was very sweet, but no matter what, it all boils down to the fact that I do not feel attractive in this dress.

When I had originally placed the order I asked if they could change the neckline to a sweetheart shape. They said yes. But last night when I reminded them they needed to make that change, they insisted it was a bad idea. I should leave the neckline as it is. Maybe they are right, but I don't think they understand that the current neckline does not flatter my square shoulders at all. I think they are just looking at the design of the top of the dress, which is beautiful in and of itself. Look at these pictures: this dress does not fit me. And I don't care how skinny you are, white satin makes you feel huge.


I admit that the back of this dress does look very nice. Perhaps I can walk backwards down the aisle? I don't want to trip on the train though, maybe the flower girl can carry that for me.




My sister took pictures (after asking my why on earth I bought this dress after all those other ones I tried on that looked so much better. I reminded her that she was bedridden with a rough pregnancy and could not be present at the time her vote counted the most).

This morning I sent these pictures to my girlfriends. I tried calling the email: "Train Wreck Part One". But someone insisted that was too harsh. How about "Near Death Experience"? We'll see.

For the record I contact Alfred Angelo to let them know I was very disappointed that I was not able to try on their Piccone dress. They immediately found a store within 2.5 hours of me that had one for me to try on. I'm afraid it's too late. I should have emailed them 6 months ago, but I did call them. Apparently whomever I spoke with on the phone did not know about the store that was 2.5 hours away -- they directed me to stores 7 and 14 hours away.



Overall, I'm just sad right now because a wedding dress should not be something you dread wearing. The design was a great idea. The execution of it was very bad. In the words of Heidi Klum, Jasmine Bridal "I'm sorry but...You're Out."

My blog has been picked up by the Pink Bride Book

Read my latest post at http://thedcpinkbook.blogspot.com/

On Behalf of All Local Wedding Photographers...

Did you know that if you want to have your wedding pictures taken in front of one of the local monuments that you have to get a PERMIT and pay between $50 and $250 to the National Park Service?

As a photographer myself, this really irks me. I mean, do we really need one more line to separate the have's from the have not's? Do the costs of a wedding not already reach sky high? The intentions behind this rule clearly target commercial photography that requires a big to-do. Sure, you should file for a permit if you need to go about setting up equipment, clearing the space around the monument, etc. But there really is no need for a permit when a person with a camera has to walk up, snap some pictures of 10-12 people in fancy clothing, and walk away. For the love of Pete, Washington, you're taking the free out of freedom. (note: until recently these permits were free, but this has changed on May 15, 2006.)




The fees are as follows:

1-10 people–$50/day
11-30 people–$150/day
Over 30 people–$250/day

If I had more time, I would email the contact (Lee_Dickinson@nps.gov) that this is a grievous wrong against local brides -- a group, I hear, that you really don't want to tick off. Am I right? I wish we could post a bunch of bridezillas on the mall to chase down any park ranger trying to enforce this rule on some poor bridal party. But as my loving fiancé reminds me, this is all done through politics and funding. Since the District of Columbia itself doesn't have the power to change its own socks, we'd have to appeal to a national advocate and I personally don't have any of those in my pockets.



Do other areas protected by the National Park Service require a permit with fees? Yes, some random place called Clinton Castle states on their web site that members of the media must pay $50 for a permit to shoot there. Hovenweep, which is located along the border between southeast Utah and southwest Colorado, just north and west of Cortez, Colorado, also requires a permit for professional filming.


However, it states:

Permits are not generally required for:

• Visitors engaged in filming/photography intended for their personal use and enjoyment

Sounds a lot like wedding photography, doesn't it Mr. Lee Dickinson?

I'm probably putting a bullseye on my forehead, but I plan to have my wedding pictures taken at one of the monuments before the reception. I refuse to file for a permit. (Here's where Gary rolls his eyes.) If I fail to stride through the ballroom doors at 7 p.m. at the Hilton on October 25 when the bridal party is announced, somebody should probably call the park police.



P.S. All these photos were taken by me sans permit.

THE Most Important Part of Wedding Planning

Part of the requirements for getting married at St. Paul's includes pre-marital counseling. The pastor who will be marrying us in October meets with us about four times prior to the rehearsal (which requires a dinner afterwards...Gary).

During our recent meeting the pastor reviewed the 38-page, multiple choice test. Since G and I were not allowed to share answers, this was the first time I was hearing how he felt about me, my parents, the government, religion, kids, etc. The pastor quickly scanned the pages, searching for some sign of potential conflict between our answers. I marked that I enjoyed outdoor recreational activities, so did G. I said that I was willing to clean the dishes if G was willing to cook. G wrote the same on his version. The pastor looked terrified that this was going to be the most boring counseling session ever.

I think the biggest discrepancy is that I would like to have 2 children and G would like to have 2 sons. The pastor tried to explain to him that this is not a drive-thru; you cannot place a gender order. sigh.

It turns out that G and I have had many "in depth" (that was a category, the other one was "shallow") conversations about many things: his childhood, my future plans, his college friends, my future plans, and even how we feel about money. I attribute this to long car rides to/from his parent's house. I think the point of this test was to root out any conflicts and analyze them. G and I agree on almost everything. To save us from being totally boring, we do disagree on fun things like who should be President and why Catholicism may or may not be the "one true faith."

We have had arguments to be sure. But after the argument was over (either several hours or a day later) I took it upon myself to bring up the situation (ATTN BRIDES, you'll want to read this as it is just as important as all the glitzy stuff you're doing for your wedding which lasts ONE DAY.) "So, do you remember when we were driving around and you were upset with me?" I asked him. "Yes," he replied. "You were driving me a little nuts." He was being kind. "Why specifically was I driving you nuts?"

Asking him this was like scrapping my own nails down a chalkboard. It is so unromantic to rehash a fight. But I know from experience that if you let these moments pass by without both of you being consciously aware of why you did what you did and why you said what you said, it causes bigger problems later. I wouldn't do this every time we argued but since this rarely happens, I felt led to bring it up.

"Because you didn't know where you were going or where we were supposed to be meeting your friend and there's no parking and I was hungry and we were running late." Not that he didn't already know this, but I was compelled to tell him I spend about 90% of my life not knowing where I'm going and/or running late. Despite my best efforts, I didn't see that changing post-vows. I winced as I asked the next question, "Are you sure there wasn't something I did earlier in the day that upset you and it just came out through our searching for parking/running late?" I've found that anytime I didn't want to know the answer to something, I didn't ask the question. Clearly, because I didn't want to know. How many times has THAT come back to haunt me? Tons.

There was, in fact, something I did earlier in the day that set him off. And rightly so. It was too small and tedious to go into, but I did something truly annoying. Something, according to my sister, that I tend to do a lot. Rats. "I'm sorry," I told him. "Not for running late when we were meeting my friend, but for being annoying earlier. I'll try to work on that because I know that it's something that I tend to do." Ugh. I didn't need a marriage test to show me that I'm not perfect. I just needed G to acknowledge that he would love me anyway.

One word of caution when reviewing these arguments: do so sparingly. Only when you're really baffled by a disagreement. I also avoid phrases like "honey, we need to talk about something," and "something you said really bothered me, but we'll talk about it later." Both considered psychological affronts in Manland.

One thing that seemed to be missing from this test was a large section on finances. Since money tends to be the number one reason for divorce, I would think that "in depth" questions about how we see the funds would have gotten more play. Next time, the pastor said. Awesome. Onto the fun stuff....

Breaking the Rules

Almost all the magazines, books and web sites, encourage brides to start their registry six to nine months out from the wedding. I'm not. Here's why. My groom is job searching -- like most of America right now. While he is currently employed, he plans to transition soon. I'm holding off on the scanner-party-through-the-store experience because I want to wait and see what type of salary he will be looking at this fall. (does anyone else think some marketing genius invented that scanner gun to get men interested in the wedding process via a "man tool"?)

If he got hooked up with a great paying position, then we wouldn't need to put some of the more basic items on the registry. If he took a pay cut, we weren't going to put anything extravagant on the list. Times are tough. Suck it up and deal with a Target kitchen knife instead of a Henkels or Wustoff.

So many things are still up in the air for us. Depending on what job he gets will determine if we rent or buy -- where we might rent or buy -- and for how long. Going through a linen superstore envisioning colors and patterns right now just seems supercilious.

In fact, at the moment, I'm envisioning 300-lb. men wheeling my two six-foot by four-foot wardrobe closets into his small, one bedroom apartment in October -- followed by one five-foot shoe rack and four giant tubs of sweaters. Gary will wonder if he acquired a wife or a warehouse.



I can't imagine adding more on top of that, or where we would put it. So, even though we have our eyes on Williams & Sonoma and Crate & Barrel, those dynamic retail double-names will have to wait for now....

Perspective: It's a Gift, Take It with You

With all the lists of tasks that the bride is responsible for, it is easy to see how one could become overwhelmed. But I would like to see one article address the topic of perspective with something more than just a off-the-cuff remark or pithy closing quotation. Even the main character in the "Sex and the City" movie admitted to getting caught up in the "me" moment of all the attention she was receiving.



Do I want my centerpieces to be enchanting? Yes. Do I want to make sure everyone receives an elegant invitation? Yes. (Would I love to be married in that Vivienne Westwood gown? Heck Ya.) Do I want to lose my sanity or any of my friends in the process? No!


How does one keep perspective in the midst of a task and taffeta maelstrom? Well, if you're paying attention, life will provide some reminders for you. From the loss of a loved one, to the unexpected unemployment line, earth-shaking news can reel you back down to planet earth. What I would love to do, is not leave earth in the first place. I like to remain grounded while letting my imagination soar.

I see these brides on the reality shows losing their cool and blowing up at their family members. Yes, their mothers, brothers, in-laws, etc. can pull some pretty low punches or scatterbrained moves, but what makes the difference between the bride who laughs vs. the bride who launches? Perspective. It's a gift. Take it with you and you'll walk away from "your day" just as married as the girl who lost her temper, but with a much better reputation.

Nobody wants to be "that girl" who has too much to drink and embarrasses herself in front of her friends. Bridal temper tantrums are no different. Even if you do fly off the handle, there's no rule that says you can't apologize. And, for no reason at all, why not email each person involved and just thank them for their help with your wedding, even if your paying them. Mainly, I'm speaking to myself. If anyone else happens to read this and agree, fantastic.