Eating Crow in Hindsight

The good news is that the wedding worked, and we are now married. The bad news is, I could have handled a few things better than I did. Granted, I was really stressed, as every bride is. And I think my expectations for my wedding dress were a little too high. Thankfully I had read about other brides' regrets on their wedding day, so I am happy to say that I have none.

I slowed down the important moments by taking a deep breath and looking to my right and to my left while I was at the alter. I saw the tiny water droplets on my bouquet like a living still life clutched in my hands. I saw the slight shimmer of my maid of honor's tanning lotion glistening on her forearms. I saw the wrinkle in my groom's forehead when he looked up at the pastor. I heard myself say every vow and I even remember looking down at the tile in the church foyer as my father walked me up to the aisle. "You see this tile every Sunday," I told myself. "Don't be nervous."

Now, don't get me wrong. The day was not without surprises. When we were at the hair salon that morning, the entire building lost power after my bridesmaids had finished their hair appointments and I was just sitting down for mine. Nobody in the salon could tell which one of us was the bride because we were all so calm and enjoying ourselves. The mimosas helped. :) Then the bridesmaid's boyfriend who was supposed to drive us all to the church got his car stuck in the garage. Those automatic arms that raise and lower to let your car into/out of garages? Yes, well, his would not raise to let him drive his car out. What would Jason Statham do? He literally got a wrench and dismantled the arm!! Talk about not letting anything stand in his way!

I even got to eat once I got to the reception. The cheeses, the crab cakes, the mushroom beggar's purse -- so yummy. While I didn't get to chat with people as much as I would have liked to, I got to dance! Which was so important to me. The picture of my groom linked shoulder to shoulder with his buddies singing to Bon Jovi, well, that's worth a thousand words. To my surprise my mother even stayed until we closed the place down.

Now all that's left to do is send thank you notes (I'm sending them to my vendors as well), deposit checks, and donate my dress to cancer research. Not only am I still beeming from this wonderful life event, but one of his groomsmen and one of my bridesmaids have become engaged since our wedding a few weeks ago. Hopefully we will continue to be an inspiration to others as long as we live!

Most Expensive Mistake I've Ever Made

I wish I had good news to report. After I left my first dress fitting last night, I cried. And not out of sheer joy. I hate my wedding dress.


It's not the store's fault. They delivered exactly what I ordered (see previous post about combination of 2 dresses). I should not have ordered it. But it's too late. Bought and paid for, the seamstress worked with me for an hour, tucking, pinning and pulling to try and make the best of a bad decision. She was very sweet, but no matter what, it all boils down to the fact that I do not feel attractive in this dress.

When I had originally placed the order I asked if they could change the neckline to a sweetheart shape. They said yes. But last night when I reminded them they needed to make that change, they insisted it was a bad idea. I should leave the neckline as it is. Maybe they are right, but I don't think they understand that the current neckline does not flatter my square shoulders at all. I think they are just looking at the design of the top of the dress, which is beautiful in and of itself. Look at these pictures: this dress does not fit me. And I don't care how skinny you are, white satin makes you feel huge.


I admit that the back of this dress does look very nice. Perhaps I can walk backwards down the aisle? I don't want to trip on the train though, maybe the flower girl can carry that for me.




My sister took pictures (after asking my why on earth I bought this dress after all those other ones I tried on that looked so much better. I reminded her that she was bedridden with a rough pregnancy and could not be present at the time her vote counted the most).

This morning I sent these pictures to my girlfriends. I tried calling the email: "Train Wreck Part One". But someone insisted that was too harsh. How about "Near Death Experience"? We'll see.

For the record I contact Alfred Angelo to let them know I was very disappointed that I was not able to try on their Piccone dress. They immediately found a store within 2.5 hours of me that had one for me to try on. I'm afraid it's too late. I should have emailed them 6 months ago, but I did call them. Apparently whomever I spoke with on the phone did not know about the store that was 2.5 hours away -- they directed me to stores 7 and 14 hours away.



Overall, I'm just sad right now because a wedding dress should not be something you dread wearing. The design was a great idea. The execution of it was very bad. In the words of Heidi Klum, Jasmine Bridal "I'm sorry but...You're Out."

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On Behalf of All Local Wedding Photographers...

Did you know that if you want to have your wedding pictures taken in front of one of the local monuments that you have to get a PERMIT and pay between $50 and $250 to the National Park Service?

As a photographer myself, this really irks me. I mean, do we really need one more line to separate the have's from the have not's? Do the costs of a wedding not already reach sky high? The intentions behind this rule clearly target commercial photography that requires a big to-do. Sure, you should file for a permit if you need to go about setting up equipment, clearing the space around the monument, etc. But there really is no need for a permit when a person with a camera has to walk up, snap some pictures of 10-12 people in fancy clothing, and walk away. For the love of Pete, Washington, you're taking the free out of freedom. (note: until recently these permits were free, but this has changed on May 15, 2006.)




The fees are as follows:

1-10 people–$50/day
11-30 people–$150/day
Over 30 people–$250/day

If I had more time, I would email the contact (Lee_Dickinson@nps.gov) that this is a grievous wrong against local brides -- a group, I hear, that you really don't want to tick off. Am I right? I wish we could post a bunch of bridezillas on the mall to chase down any park ranger trying to enforce this rule on some poor bridal party. But as my loving fiancé reminds me, this is all done through politics and funding. Since the District of Columbia itself doesn't have the power to change its own socks, we'd have to appeal to a national advocate and I personally don't have any of those in my pockets.



Do other areas protected by the National Park Service require a permit with fees? Yes, some random place called Clinton Castle states on their web site that members of the media must pay $50 for a permit to shoot there. Hovenweep, which is located along the border between southeast Utah and southwest Colorado, just north and west of Cortez, Colorado, also requires a permit for professional filming.


However, it states:

Permits are not generally required for:

• Visitors engaged in filming/photography intended for their personal use and enjoyment

Sounds a lot like wedding photography, doesn't it Mr. Lee Dickinson?

I'm probably putting a bullseye on my forehead, but I plan to have my wedding pictures taken at one of the monuments before the reception. I refuse to file for a permit. (Here's where Gary rolls his eyes.) If I fail to stride through the ballroom doors at 7 p.m. at the Hilton on October 25 when the bridal party is announced, somebody should probably call the park police.



P.S. All these photos were taken by me sans permit.

THE Most Important Part of Wedding Planning

Part of the requirements for getting married at St. Paul's includes pre-marital counseling. The pastor who will be marrying us in October meets with us about four times prior to the rehearsal (which requires a dinner afterwards...Gary).

During our recent meeting the pastor reviewed the 38-page, multiple choice test. Since G and I were not allowed to share answers, this was the first time I was hearing how he felt about me, my parents, the government, religion, kids, etc. The pastor quickly scanned the pages, searching for some sign of potential conflict between our answers. I marked that I enjoyed outdoor recreational activities, so did G. I said that I was willing to clean the dishes if G was willing to cook. G wrote the same on his version. The pastor looked terrified that this was going to be the most boring counseling session ever.

I think the biggest discrepancy is that I would like to have 2 children and G would like to have 2 sons. The pastor tried to explain to him that this is not a drive-thru; you cannot place a gender order. sigh.

It turns out that G and I have had many "in depth" (that was a category, the other one was "shallow") conversations about many things: his childhood, my future plans, his college friends, my future plans, and even how we feel about money. I attribute this to long car rides to/from his parent's house. I think the point of this test was to root out any conflicts and analyze them. G and I agree on almost everything. To save us from being totally boring, we do disagree on fun things like who should be President and why Catholicism may or may not be the "one true faith."

We have had arguments to be sure. But after the argument was over (either several hours or a day later) I took it upon myself to bring up the situation (ATTN BRIDES, you'll want to read this as it is just as important as all the glitzy stuff you're doing for your wedding which lasts ONE DAY.) "So, do you remember when we were driving around and you were upset with me?" I asked him. "Yes," he replied. "You were driving me a little nuts." He was being kind. "Why specifically was I driving you nuts?"

Asking him this was like scrapping my own nails down a chalkboard. It is so unromantic to rehash a fight. But I know from experience that if you let these moments pass by without both of you being consciously aware of why you did what you did and why you said what you said, it causes bigger problems later. I wouldn't do this every time we argued but since this rarely happens, I felt led to bring it up.

"Because you didn't know where you were going or where we were supposed to be meeting your friend and there's no parking and I was hungry and we were running late." Not that he didn't already know this, but I was compelled to tell him I spend about 90% of my life not knowing where I'm going and/or running late. Despite my best efforts, I didn't see that changing post-vows. I winced as I asked the next question, "Are you sure there wasn't something I did earlier in the day that upset you and it just came out through our searching for parking/running late?" I've found that anytime I didn't want to know the answer to something, I didn't ask the question. Clearly, because I didn't want to know. How many times has THAT come back to haunt me? Tons.

There was, in fact, something I did earlier in the day that set him off. And rightly so. It was too small and tedious to go into, but I did something truly annoying. Something, according to my sister, that I tend to do a lot. Rats. "I'm sorry," I told him. "Not for running late when we were meeting my friend, but for being annoying earlier. I'll try to work on that because I know that it's something that I tend to do." Ugh. I didn't need a marriage test to show me that I'm not perfect. I just needed G to acknowledge that he would love me anyway.

One word of caution when reviewing these arguments: do so sparingly. Only when you're really baffled by a disagreement. I also avoid phrases like "honey, we need to talk about something," and "something you said really bothered me, but we'll talk about it later." Both considered psychological affronts in Manland.

One thing that seemed to be missing from this test was a large section on finances. Since money tends to be the number one reason for divorce, I would think that "in depth" questions about how we see the funds would have gotten more play. Next time, the pastor said. Awesome. Onto the fun stuff....

Breaking the Rules

Almost all the magazines, books and web sites, encourage brides to start their registry six to nine months out from the wedding. I'm not. Here's why. My groom is job searching -- like most of America right now. While he is currently employed, he plans to transition soon. I'm holding off on the scanner-party-through-the-store experience because I want to wait and see what type of salary he will be looking at this fall. (does anyone else think some marketing genius invented that scanner gun to get men interested in the wedding process via a "man tool"?)

If he got hooked up with a great paying position, then we wouldn't need to put some of the more basic items on the registry. If he took a pay cut, we weren't going to put anything extravagant on the list. Times are tough. Suck it up and deal with a Target kitchen knife instead of a Henkels or Wustoff.

So many things are still up in the air for us. Depending on what job he gets will determine if we rent or buy -- where we might rent or buy -- and for how long. Going through a linen superstore envisioning colors and patterns right now just seems supercilious.

In fact, at the moment, I'm envisioning 300-lb. men wheeling my two six-foot by four-foot wardrobe closets into his small, one bedroom apartment in October -- followed by one five-foot shoe rack and four giant tubs of sweaters. Gary will wonder if he acquired a wife or a warehouse.



I can't imagine adding more on top of that, or where we would put it. So, even though we have our eyes on Williams & Sonoma and Crate & Barrel, those dynamic retail double-names will have to wait for now....

Perspective: It's a Gift, Take It with You

With all the lists of tasks that the bride is responsible for, it is easy to see how one could become overwhelmed. But I would like to see one article address the topic of perspective with something more than just a off-the-cuff remark or pithy closing quotation. Even the main character in the "Sex and the City" movie admitted to getting caught up in the "me" moment of all the attention she was receiving.



Do I want my centerpieces to be enchanting? Yes. Do I want to make sure everyone receives an elegant invitation? Yes. (Would I love to be married in that Vivienne Westwood gown? Heck Ya.) Do I want to lose my sanity or any of my friends in the process? No!


How does one keep perspective in the midst of a task and taffeta maelstrom? Well, if you're paying attention, life will provide some reminders for you. From the loss of a loved one, to the unexpected unemployment line, earth-shaking news can reel you back down to planet earth. What I would love to do, is not leave earth in the first place. I like to remain grounded while letting my imagination soar.

I see these brides on the reality shows losing their cool and blowing up at their family members. Yes, their mothers, brothers, in-laws, etc. can pull some pretty low punches or scatterbrained moves, but what makes the difference between the bride who laughs vs. the bride who launches? Perspective. It's a gift. Take it with you and you'll walk away from "your day" just as married as the girl who lost her temper, but with a much better reputation.

Nobody wants to be "that girl" who has too much to drink and embarrasses herself in front of her friends. Bridal temper tantrums are no different. Even if you do fly off the handle, there's no rule that says you can't apologize. And, for no reason at all, why not email each person involved and just thank them for their help with your wedding, even if your paying them. Mainly, I'm speaking to myself. If anyone else happens to read this and agree, fantastic.

Picking Wedding Music You Can Dance To

When picking out songs for our wedding, we started with what would be Gary and I's first dance. At first, we liked OAR's "Love & Memories," but its quick switch to an upbeat pace, might have made our dance fodder for YouTube fame. Then I learned the meaning of the song was about a girl who wanted nothing to do with him (not exactly our story).

Like an acorn falling out of the sky, it hit me that "You & Me" by Lifehouse, would be a good song for us. It's slow enough for a non-dancer like Gary to do the high-school sway (Seen Hitched? "You stay right here, you do not get creative with this.") And it's mushy enough to be considered romantic. Apparently I struggle with choosing romantic songs, so says my sister. When putting together the play list for our wedding CD, I played a draft version to give her a sneak preview. As I stood jamming out to Gwen Stefani and Social Distortion, my sister stared at me pale-faced as though I'd just started break dancing in the middle of CVS. "What?" I asked. "Where are all the sweet songs?" asks the girl who plays the "Juno" soundtrack repeatedly. I promised I would remake the collection, throwing in Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes," just to make her happy.






I heard Gary's mom has selected the song they will dance to but won't tell him what it is -- awesome. I hope it's something fun and cheesy like "Do the Hustle." Poor Gary would have no idea what to do.

Not that my dad is Fred Astaire or anything. We've never danced together. Other than seeing him joke around once with my mom, I've never seen him bust a move. In light of the wedding, however, he has agreed to take Ballroom Dancing lessons -- a true breakthrough, like Karl Rove rapping only without the side effects like nausea and shortness of breath.

My mom, all excited, called me several weeks ago to tell me that Steven Curtis Chapman (a Christian singer), had a song that would be perfect for me and my dad to dance to. That song was "Cinderella," a song Mr. Chapman wrote about his adopted daughter, who turned 5 about two weeks ago. Sadly, Maria Sue was killed in an accident on May 21st.


My prayers and condolences to the Chapman family. (sorry to end this on such a somber note, but I felt I wanted to address this tragedy.)

How To Help Your Groom with the Rehearsal Dinner

I am a lucky bride. My groom has been so helpful with so much of this planning. That's why I feel badly for the subterfuge surrounding the rehearsal dinner planning. Similar to the honeymoon, the tradition puts planning the rehearsal dinner on the groom's lap. Where it will sit like a warm kitten, purring and comfortable until I slam the door shut and the cat hits the ceiling, claws extracted.

Since so many of our rehearsal dinner guests are coming in from out of town (as far away as London), we need to get this done soon. Gary really wanted to head this up so I let him have it (no pun intended).

I've noticed a scary thing happen. I've become passive-aggressive. A trait I normally do not carry. A famous actor once said how disgruntled movie directors are -- but he didn't know if the process did that to them or if they started out that way. I'm wondering if the same can be said for Bridezillas. You take a sane, mild mannered woman, give her a full-time job, a mortgage, a few extracurricular activities, and a wedding to plan and BOOM! Insta-psycho. ("Where did my fun-loving girlfriend go?" says the groom.)



A couple months ago we were at the Georgetown waterfront celebrating a friend's birthday. She absolutely loves this place called Agraria, so much so that she gave us a personal tour of the place like she built it herself. She's charming. The dimly lit, modernly furnished rooms evoke the sense of being in someone's dining room -- well, someone with several million to spend on fine wood furnishings and incandescent lighting. I pulled Gary through the areas where I thought we could seat the entire bridal party, plus family. He agreed. I picked up a business card from the hostess stand and slipped it into his pants pocket. I'm so bad.



A month later, I received a brochure in the mail from one of the reception locations we looked into, but decided against: Capital Yacht Charters. Another unique idea for the dinner I wasn't responsible for planning! I "accidentally" left the brochure in his pile of mail on the foyer table. He still hasn't mentioned it. Note to self: do not mail Gary anything urgent.



Last weekend, we attended my friend's rehearsal dinner at Indique Heights in Chevy Chase (I wasn't in the wedding; I was the wedding photographer, which is why I was invited). They had a nice little room to seat 30-35 of us comfortably with an exotic little fountain in the middle of the room. "Hey, this would be a great place for our rehearsal dinner," he said as I fell out of my chair. Finally! I couldn't help expressing how it was about time he got around to it. He even emailed his dad to ask if Indian food would be okay with his family. I was so elated that I failed to follow up. I didn't have to.

"Did you ask my mom to bug me about the rehearsal dinner?" he asked me yesterday. "No," I said and then had to wrack my brain for validation of my answer. Apparently she had called him, bugging him to move forward with it already. Thus far I have not pulled the "Trish, can I ask you a favor" card. But now that I know it exists, I will keep it in my pocket for future reference.

(As of this posting, he has yet to make reservations anywhere.) Maybe if I post an entire blog about it....he, he, he.

How Finding The Right Dress Is Like Finding The Right Man

I have to start of by saying that this story does have a happy ending. My search for a wedding dress took several years off my life. In summary, I went searching for something simple in a season of complicated, thus coming home, empty handed and frustrated.

I would like to direct this blog to the wedding dress industry: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I understand the reasons for having sample sizes only in all local stores. If a girl who is a size 12 wants to try on dress A and the store only has it in a size 8, she won't be able to get into it to get an idea of what it may look like. Well, the sad truth is, if I'm a size 2 and dress A at the store is only in a size 8 or 10 -- guess what, I still have no idea what this clipped up, rouched, folding wrap of white cloth may look like.

Additionally, if I am getting married in six or seven months and would like to try on a dress that is not in the store, but can be sent by the manufacturer, why do I have to wait four months to try it on? Is there really only one version of this dress in the United States that is being shipped around like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?

It is very disappointing to fall in love with a dress in a magazine only to find out that you have to drive for 14 hours to try it on -- in a version twice your size. I would almost advise my fellow brides to only look at magazine pages to get an IDEA of what you like. Then take that page into a local store and ask "Do you have anything similar to this?" before getting your heart set on one thing.


I admit my drama was mostly my fault. I didn't really know exactly what I wanted when I started looking in February. My pregnant sister and one of my bridesmaids went with me to David's Bridal. I started out wanting something with color, but those types only came in A-line, which my sister and friend quickly ruled out for me (along with 3 women I didn't know who were just watching from the sidelines). They suggested staying away from the ball gowns because I had a nice body and should not hide it under all that material. Alrighty.

My best friend, Vanessa, has been my most reliable fashion consultant for years. The girl's got style. So when she called me absolutely thrilled that she had found the perfect dress for me, I was elated.


This stunning Piccione dress is from Alfred Angelo. Vanessa lives in Orlando and found it at the new store in Altamonte Springs. I called and asked if there was a store near DC that carried that line. Nope. Nearest Alfred Angelo stores is in Delaware -- and that location does not carry the Piccione line. Sweet. My mother-in-law to be called the store in Pennsylvania where she lives. They had it in a size 10 -- that would be a four-hour drive for me. No thanks. Grrr.

I went to seven or eight other bridal stores in the DC Metro area. I tried on about 5 or 6 in each location, from the very high end to the bargain stores. Nothing screamed "This is the one," as I had heard so many other brides tell of. I envied them for that moment they stepped in front of the mirror and fell head over heels. Kinda like the girls in college who had year-long relationships with great, good looking guys who were in love with them. They looked so happy, so comfortable with each other. So not fair.

Moving right along, I went through a series of dresses that had a similar shape to the one Vanessa loved. Each one had something majorly wrong with it when I put it on.


This looks great from the side if I'm leaning against a ledge. But standing straight forward looking into a mirror, I looked like I was ready to offer the next couple who walked in the door Spanish Samba lessons. Olay!










This one had all the right elements going for it, AND it fit perfectly in the store. As I caught a glance at myself in the three-way mirror it gave me flashbacks to senior prom. Suddenly, all the lights in the store went out and I was dancing by myself to Eric Clapton's "You Look Wonderful Tonight," alone...again.






I cannot tell you how close I came to buying this dress. The women at the Demetrios Bridal store inside the Tyson's Macy's were so incredibly lovely, I wanted to invite them all to my wedding. They offered clear, honest feedback on each dress I tried on. I must have tried on every dress in this store. They had the best collection around and were open later during the week, which was great because dress shopping on Saturdays is like being stuck on a Jack Gyllenhaal fan bus. Not my idea of a good time. One of my problems with this dress is that the store only had it in ivory, which I didn't want. It was very hard to "imagine" it in white. And I have a pretty stellar imagination. The second thing was the asymmetrical line on the skirt. I was pretty sure I was looking for something symmetrical. I cannot say why.

One, two, skip a few, 99, 100. Yep, I tried on about 100 dresses. Granted, I tried on most of them by myself. Like I said, Vanessa is in Orlando and the stores don't let you take pictures so your personal fashion consultant can vote on them. I understand they do it to protect the designers, but I wonder if they realize they are losing sales. My sister, by this time, was too near baby-delivery time to be too far from a hospital. And my friend Amy is a lawyer and I could only take up so much of her time. (For the record, she rearranged her schedule several times for me anyway.)

Those friendly little email reminders kept prodding me to order my bridal gown because I was only six months away from my wedding date. Every store I visited warned not to order your dress less than six months from the date. Again, why-oh-why does it require so much time? I know they said it would likely arrive in four months, not six, but that we had to allow time for alterations. Bills get through Congress faster than a white dress can show up at my doorstep. Is it just me or is something very wrong with that?

Finally, I did what I should have done all along. I grabbed my friend Kate (the graphic designer) and drove about an hour outside of town to Annapolis. I found a store online that offered the Jasmine collection. I called first to make sure they had dress T147. They did. I had tried dress F106 on in a store in Vienna and thought the front of it had potential but I hated the back. (note: this dress comes in all white, without the black part on top.)



When I tried on dress T147, I loved the back, but hated the front. The nice women at Elena's Bridal saw that I was near an emotional collapse. They got on the phone with the dress manufacturer and asked if the front of one dress could be paired with the back of another one. Of course, they said. And that's the story of how Jasmine Bridal saved the day. The moral of the story is, if you date around and can't find the right guy -- make one up.

**Since I'm still not 100% happy with the front of dress F106, the seamstress at Elena's is going to order more material and reshape the top to be more of a sweetheart neckline -- the squareness of my broad swimmer's shoulders do not work with the straight line as the neckline shows in the picture. Those women are awesome and I am very excited to work with them when the dress arrives in August.

***One month after I put a deposit down on my dress, the fall line premiered with tons of dresses without the embroidery and rouching I disliked from Spring 2007/2008 lines. Dope!

Wedding Planning 101: Trial and Error

Have you ever heard the phrase, "a funny thing happened on the way to the store?" It's an old school way to start a lie about how you got distracted and/or lost the money you were supposed to use to buy milk, etc.

Well, a funny thing happened en route to planning my wedding. When I attended a few of those overwhelming bridal showcases earlier this year, I had planned on using my friend (who taught me wedding photography, www.fortinphotography.com) to take my pictures, my friend (who married my sister's best friend) to be my DJ, and my other friend (Kimberly, the most multi-talented female I've ever met) to help with detail coordination. All of them have fallen through -- the last one being solely my fault. So, at six months to wedding date, I had to start all over again. And, of course, I didn't keep/collect any of the vendor information from those showcases because I didn't need them....ooops.

Snap My Picture
Staving off a mental breakdown, I quickly turned to major bridal web sites with a list of "vendors in your area." My penchant for talent lead me to contact the top 10 to 15 photographers in town, minus the ones out of my price range. They were all booked. I Googled wedding photography in D.C. and clicked my way through the ones with images not in line with my style. Finally I landed on HyonSmithphotography.com -- very nice work. I love the combination of documentary style shots with candid moments. But this guy has a real knack for making a bride look like she's a model in a magazine -- now who doesn't want that? We negotiated a deal over coffee and small talk about surfing and photojournalism. Hyon is not only talented, he's super cool to hang with. (Footnote here that he is not personally scheduled to shoot my wedding; his 2nd shooter is, but the style/caliber is the same).



Let Them Eat...
My parents, who live in Orlando, were in town vising my sister and her family. Gary and I joined them one evening for dinner and my dad had picked up these gi-normous cupcakes. "Where did you get these?" I asked my dad, more out of curiosity of how a non-local came across such a splendid local bakery (I could see that the box was not your typical Safeway fare). "Heidelberg Pastry Shoppe," he said. Two weeks later, Gary and I were having drinks with some friends at our favorite happy hour spot (Mio on Vermont). When the subject of a wedding cake came up, they suggested we use Heidelberg. Gary turned to me and said flatly (which means I'm about to be hit with sarcasm), "think we should wait for a third sign, just to be sure?" After our cake tasting, we fell in love with Heidelberg. I think I might "lose" my notes on which flavors we want just so I can go back and do another sampling. So crazy yummy. Chocolate + Grand Marnier + Marzipan = Heaven.

Dance, Dance
The inside scoop from my friend who is a DJ but is already booked on our wedding date is this: don't pay too much and don't pay too little. Somewhere in the range of $600 to $900 is a healthy starting point when seeking a music master. Since I want a ton of 80's music at my reception, I wanted to find someone old enough to remember what was popular then -- not just what has been reborn now. I looked for pictures of the DJs because I'm shallow like that and would like someone who meets appearances. DZ Entertainment gave me a great deal on an experienced DJ and they were polite about follow up phone calls without falling into the stalker category.

Did Basket Mean Call Him or Don't Call Him?
There's a skill to vendors knowing how often to follow up with you versus leaving you out in the cold. (If you didn't catch the movie line reference to Singles, you probably caught its meaning anyway.) If any vendors are reading this, think of it like dating someone new: you don't want to seem desperate, but you don't want to come off like a player either.


My Poor Friend Kimberly, Alas...
Several months ago I had my sights set on holding the reception at an art gallery. First, I looked at the Katzen Arts Center on American University's campus. Gary didn't like it. I loved it. Didn't matter in the end because they won't let you reserve the place for October until May something due to the school getting first preference. I sought Kimberly's wisdom on the matter since this is what she does. Her patience is astounding. I moved forward with the Torpedo Factory -- a blank slate and a good cause, supporting local artists. Awesome. (Little did Rebecca know that her whole family hated the idea and so did her fiance.) My parents paid the $1,500 deposit and I scheduled a meeting with Kimberly on site to brainstorm decorating ideas. Screaming kids, spilled milk, and pouring down rain -- not exactly how I wanted this meeting to go. My mom wanted to help my bedridden pregnant sister and get her two kids out of the house, plus see this reception locale so she could help with the decor. I should have said no to my mom about bringing the kids, but again, Kimberly was ridiculously patient. I, however, was not. I left the meeting with fleeting thoughts of elopement.

Based on what Kimberly and I discussed, Gary and I wrote up some estimates. We were way, way over our budget. I'm not sure how we got to this point, but if I wanted to feed my guests anything other than Powerbars and Capri Sun, we were going to have to reassess. I'm skipping over many details, tearful conversations, and a few shouting matches to bring you swiftly to the conclusion that we canceled with the Torpedo Factory and went with the Hilton in Old Town, Alexandria. (As you can see in the pictures, they have a lovely foyer and ballroom.) I lost our deposit (unless someone else books Oct. 18th, any takers? please?), but even still, we are coming out thousands of dollars ahead of where we were before. More importantly, I was able to salvage my friendship with Kimberly. (Thank you for still speaking to me.)

We still need to book the rehearsal dinner (why can I never spell rehearsal correctly??), but that's Gary gig. I'm leaving it in his capable hands. Sometimes, the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of our 10-day honeymoon in St. Lucia. I downloaded the screen saver from the Ti Kaye Village Resort (www.tikaye.com) where we are staying the first three nights -- 156 days to go!

Wedding Check List: Thank You Email Reminders

If it weren't for regularly scheduled emails from reminding me which items I'm supposed to be taking care of, I would wake up one morning in October in sheer panic.

Wedding Web sites have a clear list of "to do" items and allow you to add your own customized tasks, which is great. I'm trained to operate based on deadlines, so no deadline, no task completion. And yes, I often wait until the night before.

This weekend my wedding will be 5 months away (or 157 days to go, thank you).

Taking stock I have completed 50 to dos and have 184 remaining. (flashbacks to writing a thesis anyone??)

• Engagement Ring Insured - check
• Pick a gown - check (this BTW, is worth its own blog entry)
• Create Wedding Guest List - check
• Choose bridal party - check
• Book church and reception sites - check
• Begin pre-marital counseling - check
• Hire photographer and DJ - check (the DJ, is through DZ Entertainment and while I have not met with them in person, they were very professional via phone and email, which is all i have time for)
  
• Book honeymoon - check
• Register - (this requires another blog)

In a sweet, subtle way, these reminders provide hot pink exclamation points next to my overdue items. "Choose Your Florist," it says. "Order Your Invitations." Gosh - if only it were that simple.

More than two months ago I made an appointment with a florist, we'll call them Florist A, to get a proposal. When we arrived, the door was locked and we were made to wait more than half an hour while an earlier appointment ran late (I was warned this might happen). The woman was super nice and very personable. She seemed open to sticking within my budget since I wasn't super picky about what type of flowers and arrangements I wanted. Easter came and went and I still had not received a proposal, though they did call and say they were delayed and she was sick, etc, and were very nice about it. Knowing I was going to need another proposal to do a cost comparison, I made an appointment with Florist B.

Florist B was very nice as well. They saw me right away and seemed to be on the same page as far as the "look" I was thinking about. I also appreciated how candid they were about pricing -- letting me know what I could do myself for the centerpieces and save myself some dough. By this time, I had done some research on flowers and found a "unique" bouquet of white orchids. I loved it and had never seen anything like it. Florist B liked it as well and suggest a way to tie it back in with my dress. They wrote up a proposal on the spot that beat out the proposal I received around this same time from Florist A.

Now, in all fairness, I thought I should go back to Florist A with the same bridal bouquet picture to get a fairer estimate for comparison. A side by side look at the two proposals are within $100 of each other. Should I:
A. Pick a florist based on gut feeling
B. Avoid Florist A because of how long it takes them to respond and how many excuses they
seem to have?
C. Pick Florist A because they keep in constant communication and are a little more personable?
D. There's not enough info here to get help with my decision

In the meantime, "Order Your Invitations." Well, if I were not designing them myself, with the help of a talented friend, yes, I would order them. But why take the simple route when you can make things way more complicated than they really should be?

Forgive me, I've gotten ahead of myself. Backing up to sources of inspiration for the theme/look of the wedding...Gary and I love to picnic in Rock Creek Park, especially in fall/spring, which are completely new experiences for me. (I honestly don't ever remember seeing tulips like the ones I've seen around here --they almost look like something edible from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). Rock Creek is great because in a few short moments, you can bury yourself in non-city landscaping -- a healthy exercise for the imagination. All the laws of time, task and toil seem to dissolve with each crunch of a leaf underfoot.

And that's when it hit me. I would like my reception to feel like a Robert Frost poem, except without the miles to go before I sleep. My wedding colors are chocolate brown and slate blue, although electric blue looks better it just reminds me of Debbie Gibson. I found an inspiring web site (www.nettletonhollow.com) that has the branches I'll need for my tall centerpieces. And I found some LED lights at Save-on-Crafts.com (the ones with the imitation looking flame are less cheesy than the submergable white ones). My bridesmaids were told to pick out a chocolate brown, floor length gown of their own choosing. Each of the 5 girls has a beautiful figure, but totally different style. I felt better knowing that they were going to feel great in whatever they wore more so than shoehorning them into what I wanted.

Now things are starting to get exciting. I scoured the Internet for invitation ideas. Having worked with Marc Freidland, who designed John Travolta's birthday invites and Oprah's Black and White party, (www.creativeintelligence.com) in L.A., my standards are pretty high, but my budget is low. Gucci taste on a Gap budget and all. I found an envelope that I thought Marc might have approved of and got to work. I ordered samples of invitations because not all web sites disclose the weight of the paper stock they show in the pictures. There is a huge difference between 70 lbs and 110 lbs when it comes to paper. Less is sometimes better; it just depends on what you're trying to do.

What I'm trying to do is buy these brown envelopes as is, then have my friend design the 6 x 6 invite that will lay inside, then have someone print that and match the RSVP card, Directions card, Reception card that go inside the little pocketflap. I went to all the web sites advertising in all the bridal magazines and not one of them was able to print our invite and match it with the other cards. I didn't need the other cards designed, I would buy whatever they had in stock that matched, but this was not to be. (Footnote here about printing these invites at Kinko's -- that's how we did our 5 x7 Save the Date cards, which was fine because it didn't matter how crookedly the sides were cut.)

A saving grace: I came across this company in Chicago that spoke my language (www.styleonabudget.com). They are going to give me a quote on printing our design and finding pocket cards to match. Yay! If there is a company in D.C. that would do the same thing, I would like to know. Now, all I have to decide is between using a sepia toned image of Gary and me or going with something simple that incorporates the blue, brown and white wedding colors. Thoughts? Hint: Gary and I are using a sepia photo of us on the cover of the music CD we put together for our guests. Hmm. To match or not to match....

Regardless, I need to order the envelopes soon. My mom has offered to address the envelopes in her beautiful calligraphy work. Since she's traveling a ton over the next month she needed to start on them like yesterday. Yes, mom, I know, one hot pink exclamation point coming your way!

Wedding Details: How A Monster Was Created

I am not the girl who has dreamed about her wedding ceremony since she was 12. I would prefer to wear whatever I feel like in the morning and not lay out my outfit the night before. I don't even own an iron, much less an ironing board. (Isn't that what a de-wrinkle cycle is for?) So when it came to ironing out the details of my wedding, I was less than enthused.

I think Mariah Carey had the right idea -- and you'll never hear me say that again. Beach, white flowy dress, orchids, close friends, champagne, done. Where I'm from, there are two seasons: hurricane season and not hurricane season. So in January 2008, the day after the proposal, a late summer wedding sounded perfect. And it may have been....in 2009.

Quickly letting go of my easy/breezy beautiful summer wedding, this fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants girl found where to draw the line between East Coasters and West Coasters. Planning in advance. WAY in advance. As I called around to book a reception venue, I was literally laughed at when I gave them a late summer 2008 wedding date. Apparently, couples here live for their jobs -- to the point where they get married based on when it's mutually convenient around elections, security screenings and fiscal quarters. Fine.

After re-doing my vision of my wedding day, Gary and I settled on October 25th. Everyone in Florida thinks that's a long time. Everyone here thinks it's rushing it. To each his own. I am now a fall bride. No biggie. I can fake-tan with the best of them.

Every article about wedding planning starts with mentioning a budget. Having a wedding budget is kind of like having a "type" of guy you like to date. You're more than welcome to start there, but you're more likely to end up with something completely different. With some help from both our parents, we're going to attempt to walk the tightrope of a D.C. wedding with...drumroll please...US$20,000 for about 100 guests. I now feel like the parable of the talents. If I don't invest wisely, I may not go to heaven.

Luckily, we found a very nice hotel in Old Town with a minimum price tag of $13,000 (always ask for a minimum price since their pretty brochures of $95/head does not disclose this information). What was just as important as the clean, spacious facility was the fact that the coordinator at the hotel was one of the most accommodating people I'd ever met. From here I used two facts about my new non-summer wedding reality: October is fall and the ballroom at this Hilton has brown, gold, hunter green and beige in the carpet, decor and entry way. It also has intriguing gold petal lighting on the ceiling and sconces. Working with and not against my environment will serve me well in my planning.

As one of my bridesmaids asked, drawing on her experience as a psychologist, "what do you want people to remember about your wedding?" Aka - what impression do you want to make on Gary's family and friends? (My family and friends already know me well enough that something too formal would not be my style.) "I want my wedding to be elegant, but not stuffy," I told her. "I want people to feel special for being a part of it, but I want to keep things simple." And of course, she wouldn't let me get away with anything less than "unique." It's a great word that my friends and family have come to use when referencing me in place of the word "strange."

Armed with my budget, my date, my color palette and my adjectives, I began to plan the rest of the details. The most important thing at this stage is to be open to inspiration because it can come from anything anywhere.

the Engagement story

The mall is always packed. And by "mall" I refer to the large rectangular span of lawn between the Capitol Building (often confused by tourists for the White House) and the Washington Monument. On the night of January 26, 2008, however, we were completely alone under a clear sky between the two icons of freedom – not exactly my idea of the most romantic setting.

But this engagement story is more about him than her. The mall is my fiancé’s favorite location in all of D.C. I think it's part of why he wanted to be a lawyer here – to be a part of something bigger than himself and to be reminded of his place in the world by running around such giant architectural reminders three days a week.

I am not a lawyer. Or a runner for that matter. I came to D.C. in 2006 to be near my sister and her kids. I'm a creative surfer girl from Florida/California who finds herself to be a fish out of water in this city. My sister's friends kindly took me in as their friend, and I have made a few of my own. I truly miss the sunny weather, but am determined to make it as a writer/photographer regardless of where I am based -- as long as I am surrounded by a group of people I love.

This group of people now includes a young, sophisticated and witty athlete whom I met through mutual friends 15 months ago at a historic landmark known as Brass Monkey. I remember thinking after my first date with Gary that we were not compatible because he had an Economics degree from Johns Hopkins and I virtually finger painted painted my way through school in San Diego.

As we crossed the middle of the lawn, having left the Sculpture Garden where we had been ice skating and heading to where he parked the car, he stopped me to ask how I would photograph the Washington Monument at that moment. Strange, I thought. I wonder if he's trying to find out if I've used the tripod he bought me for Christmas.

As I humored him with a reply, I turned back around to find a large turquoise box in his hand and a large smile on his face. "Yes!" I exclaimed, so excited that he had successfully chosen the right platinum tension setting for the diamond I unwittingly selected over a month prior. "Wait! I have to ask you the question," he laughed. I told him to ask me in the car because I was freezing.

He proceeded to tell me that the box barely fit in his pocket and that's why he had not held my hand while we were ice skating. The last thing he wanted was to see it fly out of his pocket and slide across the rink. As he went to remove the box when we were standing on the mall, he ripped a hole in his jacket pocket. Now, he says, every time he loses his car keys in his jacket lining, he remembers the day he proposed to me.